Alternative title: My Whale Called Hope

I don’t like hope. Not really.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve placed my hope in the wrong things and faced disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment that I basically decided hope is not for me.

If you want to hope, go for it. But me? I’m good.

However, (yes, there’s a however). However, I have recently found myself coming up against hope. No matter where I turn, there it is.

And I’m not going to lie when I say that when I see it’s there, I try to ignore it and keep on walking. I don’t want to acknowledge it or think too much about it and what it could mean. I have been disappointed so many times that the idea of hoping, even in small things, has made me very nervous.

What if it won’t work out? What if it doesn’t come through? What if it’s the same situation all over again?

My thinking is that it’s best not to hope so that I won’t get disappointed when it does go wrong or does not happen, and if it does go right, then I will be pleasantly surprised.

It’s a win-win. Right?

But lately, even though I have tried to avoid hope and deliberately ignore it, I can’t seem to shake it.

I am in a time of transition, with there being a lot of things, big things, changing in my life. These are all good things, but some of those things have not yet fallen into place. And instead of becoming worried, I find myself hoping. I have a hope that it will all work out as it’s supposed to. Then, of course, I realise that I am hoping and I try to shake myself out of it. But even then, it comes up again.

I can liken this to the story of Jonah and the whale. God told Jonah to preach a message of repentance to the city of Nineveh, but Jonah didn’t want to so he ran in the opposite direction. No matter where Jonah went, God found him and reminded Jonah of his task. Jonah was determined to avoid Nineveh and kept on running, however, God was always there to meet him. It got to the point that Jonah was cast off a boat and swallowed by a whale. Well, that escalated quickly.

The thing I want to stress about this story, and the likeness that it bears to what I’m going through, is that you cannot avoid God. No matter what you do, where you run or how determined you are, He will always meet you.

I believe the hope I am experiencing is from God, and because He is an unrelenting God, His is an unrelenting hope. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still trying to resist embracing this hope. But there is a part of me (deep deep down), that realises resistance is futile and that it’s only a matter of time before I let this hope consume me like the whale consumed Jonah.

Where it will spit me out and what it will look like, I have no idea.

But if it’s from God then it will be good. So, maybe it’s okay to let go and hope a little.

Watch this whal-, I mean space. Watch this space.

Cover photo by Thomas Lipke on Unsplash

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